You know who ate more. You just do not want to say it.
Dinner with friends. Check arrives. Someone says, "Let's just split it evenly." Everyone nods. Everyone agrees. Everyone knows it is not fair. Nobody says anything.
You ordered a salad and water. They ordered steak and two glasses of wine. You pay the same amount. You subsidize their meal. They benefit from your silence. Both of you know what happened.
This is not about money. This is about avoidance. Avoiding awkwardness of saying: you ate more, you drank more, you pay more. Avoiding conversation. Avoiding conflict. Avoiding truth.
Truth is simple. Splitting evenly is not fair. It is just easy.
Performance of Fairness
Equal splitting looks fair on the surface. Looks like everyone treating everyone else. Looks like generosity. Looks like community. Looks like we are all in this together. None of those things are true.
It is a performance. Performance of fairness. Performance of generosity. Performance of community. Performance hides reality. Reality is that someone is paying for someone else. Someone is getting a deal. Someone is being taken advantage of.
Performance is for the group. For the person who wants to be seen as generous. For the person who wants to avoid conflict. For the person who wants to keep the peace. Performance is not fair. It is just comfortable.
One Who Pays
Someone always pays more than they should. Always subsidizes someone else. Person who ordered less pays for person who ordered more. Person who drank water pays for person who drank wine. Person who was careful pays for person who was not.
That person knows. Knows they are paying more. Knows it is not fair. Knows they should say something. They do not. Stay silent. Pay. Resent it. Do it again next time.
Resentment is real. Accumulates. Builds. Turns into something else. Feeling of being taken advantage of. Feeling that friends do not care. Feeling that you are not being seen.
One Who Benefits
Someone always pays less. Always gets a deal. Person who ordered more pays less than they should. Person who drank wine pays less than they should. Person who was not careful pays less than they should.
That person knows. Knows they are paying less. Knows it is not fair. Knows they should say something. They do not. Stay silent. Pay less. Benefit. Do it again next time.
Benefit is real. Accumulates. Builds. Turns into something else. Feeling of getting away with something. Feeling that friends do not care. Feeling that you are not being seen.
Conversation We Avoid
Conversation is simple. "I ordered less. I should pay less." That is all. Whole conversation. Takes five seconds. Avoids resentment. Avoids unfairness. Avoids slow erosion of friendship.
Nobody has this conversation. Afraid of seeming cheap. Afraid of seeming petty. Afraid of seeming like they care about money. They do care about money. They just do not want to admit it.
Conversation is not about money. It is about honesty. Fairness. Respect. Saying what is true. Being seen. Seeing others.
What Fairness Actually Looks Like
Fairness is not equal. Fairness is proportional. You eat more, you pay more. You drink more, you pay more. You order less, you pay less. Simple. Honest. Fair.
Fairness requires conversation. Honesty. Willingness to say what is true. Willingness to hear what is true. Willingness to be uncomfortable for five seconds. Discomfort is worth it.
Discomfort is temporary. Resentment of unfairness is permanent. Resentment of being taken advantage of is permanent. Resentment of not being seen is permanent.
Real Cop-Out
Splitting evenly is a cop-out. A way to avoid conversation. A way to avoid conflict. A way to avoid truth. A way to avoid being honest with your friends.
Cop-out is easy. Cop-out is comfortable. Cop-out is unfair. Cop-out is a lie.
You know who ate more. Who drank more. Who should pay more. You just do not want to say it.
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